love can be sweet and painful at the same time

finally i made up my mind..

2006-10-26T00:51:00.000-07:00

hi guys. it had been a long time since my last update. Well this few weeks many things had happenend. i had stop working on the 5th oct as i wanted to study for my o level le. not much time left le. haiz. so sian. no work mean no income, no income means no money. wonder how am i going to take it till nov 17th? i had a quarrel with my parents about moving over to my ah ma house to stay and study. they disapporve it at first but in the end they allowed mi to move over le. so on the 25th oct i moved over to ah ma house and now, today is the first day i stay at ah ma house for the whole day. later meeting bao bei for dinner then come back and study. must really push myself to study le if not i won't be able to make it this year again. sorry if i very long then update once. because my house de computer spoiled le. so no way i can get online. untill i start working again and save enough money to buy a lap top then i can come online.. but i will still try to come online to up date my bolg de. i promise. so guys try to be understanding is not that i don't want to up date my blog.. take care my frens out there..

2006-09-21T17:41:00.000-07:00

Back in office again, another day again, lucky today is friday. Which means I have to work till 5.30 pm only. YEAH! so happy. This might be the last time I can blog in office. Nothing much to talk about too. Well good new is that bao bei don't have to go for the oversea training. SO happy but sad for him. I feel happy is because he don't have to leave mi and sad because he had miss this chance. haiz~ mixed feeling..

wat a sad moment..

2006-09-19T17:29:00.000-07:00

Every things turn out to be fine in the morning till bao bei call me and told me that he was selected to go for an oversea training on 4 nov to 9 dec this year. I know that this is a very rare chance for him and he wanted to go for this. I know that I cannot be that selfish to ask him not to go for this special training which he always wanted to go for. So i just keep quite and pretent that it is ok with me. But in fact it is not. I going to miss him alot alot. Life without sms or calls from him will be like the end of the world for me. It is a huge blow for me. Think i got to concentrate on my O levels while he was away. SOB~The second blow for me is that when i reach home, xiao mei told me that my cousin's son(Brian) is in hospital and his condition is NOT very good. Doctors told us that he might not be able to pull through this period of time. my cousin and aunts went to pray and the person told them that this baby boy only left a few days of life. I came to know about this and I felt very sorry and sad for my cousin and her family. Got 3 daughters and finally got a baby boy. But god know, that this turn out to be a terrible blow for my cousin. This baby boy is only 2 months old only. Even though I have never seen him before but i still feel that i have to do a part for him to. So i decided to go to as many tempers as possible to pray for him and I am going to start not to eat meat from today on wards till Brian became better.. I cried last night for him.

i had this wired dream

2006-09-06T17:56:00.000-07:00

This few days i have been dreaming of the same dream and it is about bao bei leaving me for good. It look and feel so real. This few night i had cried while i am sleeping. I wake up and found out that my pillow is wet. Few days ago, Bao bei told me not to keep and hide my feelings and thoughts inside me. So i decided to tell him about this dream i had this few day. Guess what he say to me? He say that i think too much say i no brain say i crazy. last time he won't say all this one. now he dare to say all this le. After being together for 1 yr plus i finally see his true colour le. He change alot. He is not the Bao bei i know 1 yr ago le. That bao bei is very sweet to me and won't say those words to me de. I think he will be better off with his mao mei or hui ting or kai ying ba. Because they all have brain and they are smart. But i am stupid and brainless and useless and good for nothing. Want him to understand how i felt and What i am thinking off.. but he just won't understand..

Something terrible had happened to me..

2006-09-03T22:43:00.000-07:00

On sat night, when I was at my ah ma house after dinner, I had a quarrel with da jie. Due to losing her comic books and VCD. I was already so stress up and now she is adding more problem to me. I cannot take it anymore and left ah ma house and went back home to pack my stuff and decide to move out of this family. I feel like I am working so hard already and yet they want to add more and more problems to me. I already felt so lost because I stopping tuition. And I won't if I can cope with it or not. STUDIES, WORK, FRIENDS, FAMILIES and my relationship. I have so many things to handle. I finally explode. Decided to leave this family but my daddy stop me and I went to the kitchen and took a knife, wanting to cut myself but once I see mummy cry. My heart become soft. And I drop the knife and ran back to my bed and cry till I fall a sleep. While I was crying, I SMS bao bei. Telling him That I am very sorry that I cannot accompany him through out his life time. Once again I have hurt him. It was so painful to say all this words to him. But after I have cool down. I said sorry to mummy, daddy, da jie and bao bei that I don't mean to hurt them so deeply. Soon everything went back to normal. And the next day we have breakfast together at Mac. There were ah ma,4th aunty, mummy, daddy, da jie, xiao mei, racheal and me. we have alot of fun there. After that we went to buy fruits as we will be having a fruits party later on.The fruit party was a great party. we have alot of fruits. My favourate DURIAN is there also. we eat till we very full. Then at night we have mamite CARB WOR!! Jealous? hehe.

2006-08-31T20:50:00.000-07:00

heres my favourate song.. "stay the same" oh... it is intro to me by my god brother. it is a very very nice song.. hope you all will like it.. :)

Chorus:
Dont you ever wish
You were someone else
You were meant to be
The way you are exactly
Dont you ever say
You dont like the way you are
When you learn to love yourself
Youre better off by far
And I hope you always stay the same
Cause theres nothing bout you I would change
I think that you could be
Whatever you wanted to be
If you could realize
All the dreams you have inside
Dont be afraid
If youve got something to say
Just open up your heart
And let it show you the way
Chorus
Believe in yourself
Reach down inside
The love you find will set you free
Believe in yourself
You will come alive
Have faith in what you do
Youll make it through
Chorus
Dont change...

another meaningful song to my bao bei and friends..

2006-08-31T20:23:00.000-07:00

hi hi.. this is another song which i find it nice and want to share with all of you.. hope you all will like is and list to it.. enjoy your day and take care.. :) oh.. forget to tell you all that this song is call " you're still the one".. enjoy it ba...

(When I first saw you, I saw love.
And the first time you touched me, I felt love.
And afterall this time, you're still the one I love.)
Looks like we made itLook how far we've come my baby
We mighta took the long way
We knew we'd get there someday
They said, "I bet they'll never make it"
But just look at us holding on
We're still together still going strong
(You're still the one)
You're still the one I run to
The one that I belong to
You're still the one I want for life
(You're still the one)
You're still the one that I love
The only one I dream of
You're still the one I kiss good night
Ain't nothin' better
We beat the odds together
I'm glad we didn't listen
Look at what we would be missin'
They said, "I bet they'll never make it"
But just look at us holding on
We're still together still going strong
(You're still the one)
You're still the one I run to
The one that I belong to
You're still the one I want for life
(You're still the one)
You're still the one that I love
The only one I dream of
You're still the one I kiss good night
(You're still the one)
You're still the one I run to
The one that I belong to
You're still the one I want for life
(You're still the one)
You're still the one that I love
The only one I dream of
You're still the one I kiss good night

I love you very much bao bei..

2006-08-30T21:02:00.000-07:00

this is a song I love the most and I want bao bei to know this song too. That is " Nothing Gonna Change My Love For You ". Hope that you guy go and listen to it too. It a nice song.. :)
If I had to live my life without you near me
The days would all be empty
The nights would seem so long
With you I see forever oh so clearlyI might have been in love before
But it never felt this strong
Our dreams are young and we both know
They'll take us where we want to go
Hold me now
Touch me now
I don't want to live without you
Chorus:
Nothing's gonna change my love for you
You ought to know by now how much I LOVE YOU
One thing you can be sure of
I'll never ask for more than your love
Nothing's gonna change my love for you
You ought to know by know how much I LOVE YOU
The world may change my whole life thru but
NOTHING'S GONNA CHANGE MY LOVE FOR YOU
If the road ahead is not so easy
Our love will lead the way for us
Like a guiding starI'll be there for you
If you should need me
You don't have to change a thing
I love you just the way you are
So come with me and share the view
I'll help you see forever too
Hold me now
Touch me now
I don't want to live without you
(Chorus)

after reading his blog... sob..

2006-08-30T01:38:00.000-07:00

now I am in the office working but blogging at the same time.. today totally not in the mood of working.. doing things very slowly and don't feel like doing anything also. this moring i read bao bei's blog le. i found out that his ex gf name kai ying, i don't know what to say. they have alot of fun time together than i have with bao bei. but i hate her because of the way she treat bao bei. breaks bao bei's heart and make him become like this. after reading all his entries, i feel that i have not treat him good enough. as i read i cried in the office. feeling so sad but i have no one to tell. want to ask bao bei to delete that blog. but if i do so.. am i expecting too much from him? that blog has alot of is memories. i don't want him to delete all his memories just because i ask him to do so.. so confuse and sad. cried till my grastic very pain eyes very pain..

I miss you so much bao bei!!!!!!!!

2006-08-27T22:52:00.000-07:00

well well... It has been a long time since my last update. Ha. Things are going fine this few days. As I already got a job at National Computer System(NCS). I am quite happy with the pay but the things I do during work is quite difficult. But I manage to learn them in a short period of time. Things are going even smooth than before for mi and bao bei. We have been together for 1 year going to 1 yr 1 month le. I felt so lucky to haven bao bei by my side. supporting me all the way. I love you bao bei. if bao bei happene to see this. I want you to know that thanks for everything you have done for mi and sorry that since I start working I have not being accompanying you so much. hope u understand that even though I am not with you but my heart will always be with you forever.. I love you and missed you so much..

why had happened to me?

2006-07-23T22:40:00.000-07:00

last night before i went to bed, mummy called me to do something. she ask me to buy fruits for praying as tuesday night is Hungry Ghost Festival le. she ask mi to buy fruits but she don't have enough money till 29th of this month when she get her pay so she borrow $100 from me. i wanted to tell her that i don't have enough money but it is hard for me to say it out. so i just have to accept it. i told this to bao bei. he was very angry and ask me not to help out. but i got no choice. i am so sad when he yell at me. i know that i had make him very angry. i asked him to go to bed early and then i send him a sms saying that we should break up. because i don't want to become his burden and don't want to make him angry or add on to his problems. i don't wan to drag him in to this.but he don't wan to break up. i am so sad but touch by his words. in the end i took back my words. i am so sorry bao bei. i didn't mean to hurt u so deeply de. i love you alot.

why they cannot just understand mi

2006-07-20T08:04:00.000-07:00

this few days, i have been doing alot of thinking. mimi and daddy ask mi to quit GELATO and i listen to them le. but after a few days they ask mi to go for a job interview at singapore post. which i don't like it at all. thought that they ask mi to quit my job because they want mi to study whole heart for this 4 months before o level. but in the end is another meaning. they want mi to work and pay the bill so that they won't be that xin ku. i ask them why should i go for that interview. they told mi that is if i cannot make it this year again then i got to come out and work le. just have a talk with them. told them that if i cannot make it this year again then i can go take advance diploma. because i don't want to waste anymore time le. i want to go poly and even U but they say they don't have enough money for mi to go U but got enough money for da jie to go U. i am so sad when they said that. i said that i can work part time job to pay my own fee if i taking advance diploma. they say that is equally to work full time better. cannot study le then don't study le lor come out and work. i am so sad and heart broken when i heard that. they are planning my life. is either i get a job in sinapore post or i become policewoman my whole life.this is not the job i want to do. they are making mi feel that i am really useless ana stupid and need them to help mi plan my future. why can't they just understand how i feel. i am feelinf really very sad and heart broken.

who can help mi

2006-07-10T03:51:00.000-07:00

just read wat my da lao po tag in my tag box.well got to say sorry to her because my computer keep on giving mi problem because it is old le( about 8 to 9 yr old le). so darling pls forgive mi is i veri long never update my blog. well this perido of time i have been doing alot of soul searching. thinking of this thinking of that. wondering if i choose this will i regret. now i'm leaving my job as selling ice cream at GELATO or is call HAATO now le. so sad to leave them. i wanted to concenrate on my studies but i am scare too. i am scare of my math. i don't dare to open up and do my math tys. mimi and daddy want mi to work at singapore post or become a police woman if i cannot make it up to poly this year. this is not the job i want to work as. i want to work with animals. i don't mind working in the zoo. but mimi say it is a low class job. but this is what i want. told her alot of times. but she don't want to listen to mi. i am so sad and heartbroken. told bao bei about it but he say it is up to mi to decide le. haiz~~~~~

what happen during this period of time.

2006-06-29T11:43:00.000-07:00

well guys.. i'm back.. miss mi mah? hehe.. ok veri long time never update my blog le.. this preiod of time many things happen. happy times and sad time. last nite just quarrel with bao bei over my phone bill. i had try to redude it le. but bao bei keep on saying tt i anyhow use it.i was so angry about it. then he said tt i am not serious about this relationship.if i am not serious in this relationship, i won't be giving up so many thing for him and yet he said this. this feel words really make mi cried the whole night.eyes are swollen.i can feel the sharp pain in my heart and chest whenever i cry. bao bei will never know wat i did for him. feeling so sad as i got to quit my job due to my study. i really sacre to take o level again. i cannot cope wif my math.there is no one there to help mi in math.sob.confuse sad and drepress.bao bei keep on saying tt he is going crazy. but he didn't know tt i am going crazy too. i hav to balance alot of things like my family, my studies,my friends, my job and bao bei.its really hard to balance them. sometime i feel tt i am not ready for any relationship. wanted to break up wif bao bei but knowing tt if i do so bao bei will be veri sad and heart broken. i can do nothing but to suffer in silent. really feel like giving up..

it has been along time le..

2006-05-08T20:35:00.000-07:00

well, so long never update my blog le. Sorry guys.. keep u all waiting so long due to my stupid computer which broke down at this point of time. i getting a lab top soon so can contact u all le.. Well this period of time many things happened to mi. i have to under go so many blows this few month. It have been a tough month for mi. Posted to ITE but did not pay the fee.. Now working and studying at the same time.. retaking my subjects.. so tiring.. really feel like giving up.. seeing all my friends going in to a poly and i didn't get into one, make mi really very sad and it seems like it is the end of the world for mi.. i feel so lost and hopeless.. i really give my best shot le.. but still turn up to mi like this. SAD case.. SOB SOB...

finally back... wahaha.. feeling so good...

2005-10-27T14:27:00.000-07:00

haha... well almost one week never use com le... haha.. back in sch library to use com to check my hotmail and blog... haha... well, for this week.. nothing much happened.. everyday doing the same thing... study study study...so stress up as o level is coming le * scary sia* but scare also no use still got to go through it.. once over then can play liao... haha... this coming mon(31/10/05) is chinese o level le.. haiz got to study chinese again.. haha... promise fiora tt i will accompany her to study chinese on sat and sun , so i got to rush my art as i set a time limit for myself to complete my art work... On 24/10, it was the first time studying wif fiora.. haha quite fun in fact... we studied at amk mac since morning 11am till night time 7 plus.. haha... study and gossip at the same time.. haha... gals are still gals.. love to gossip and talk about show... haha... it was quite scary when i try to persuade fiora's mum to allow her to study over night at my house.. i think i had create trouble for her as she end up got scolding my her mum when she reach home.. (mi to fiora: sorry about it..) On Tuseday slow mi and regina decided to stay over night at my house to study.. a change of plan due to some reason so they study overnight at amk mac and i study over night at home till the nex day morning 8am then went to sleep for a while.. even though i have set my alarm to ring at 10am but i still cannot wake up... think i am too tired le.. so over slept and i was late for meeting fiora and her friend at amk interchange.. so pai seh.. living at amk de still late.. haha.. sorry about it... wahaha.. finally is wednesday le, my show is showing on tv le... hahaha.. after watching my show.. when to rest for a while but end up falling a sleep.. haha because having fever *38.7* wa.. high right... so cold and boby so aching... haha... but took medicine le... so sleepy and went back to sleep... miss bao bei so much that i even dream of him.. but when i reach out trying to hold "him" then i realise that it was just a dream so sad. tears rolling down from my eyes.. miss him so much it was only the first day in tekong and he is already badly miss by mi le... wonder how am i going to REN till friday or sat.. sob.. wonder how is he doing now... is he alright? did he sleep enough.. i promise him to look after his family for him when he is away and i did... ( mi to bao bei: bao bei.. i never break my promise to u.. i am still waiting for u to come back... miss u so much..) :(

graduation day... finally i graduate le... wahahaha...

2005-10-21T11:53:00.000-07:00

Wa... it seems so long and yet so fast ... haha... toaday i had offically graduated from Bishan Park Secondary School... thinking back, when i was sec 1( the youngest in this school).. used to scare of the sec 5 who are big bullies... haha.. BUt now i am the oldest in this school le... my turn to bully people le... wahahaha... jus kidding... i was so touch and almost cried when we sang de song "my love" by westlife and "that wat friends are for".. led by our cute teachers... haha... times we have spent in this school were wonderful.. i will never forget the time i spent wif my friends... haha... now we supporse to be studying in the library... in the end we end up using the school computer and suft the net and log in to friendster and blogger... haha... this is the last time i can use the school computer.. will miss this school even thought i have several bad memories in this school and the arguements i had wif my close friends, this make us more closer to each other... well.. last wishes to all the student out there... all the best to u all for the up coming 'O' levels.... do our best and we will make it de... JIA YAO!!!

finally its over le..

2005-10-01T14:46:00.000-07:00

wa.. so long never update my bog le.. haha.. busy wif studies of coz... haiz.. many things happened between this 2 months... prelims started, o level approaching, a new start of a relationship... too many things happened le.. feeling up and low... happy an sad.. and of coz STRESS!!! haha... today was the last day of prelims... haha finally over le.. but mock exam coming le.. then follow by o level.. haiz.. enough of studies le... well bao bei.. last week was a tough and painful week for the both of us... ur hp being taken away.. can't sms u at all.. got to wait quietly for ur sms.. this is still not worst... on friday nite.. when u sms mi to call ya as u got something urgent to tell mi.. i thought what had happened to ya.. lucky nothing happened to ya... but u told mi tt u got duty to do on sat, cannot book out and meet mi... i was totally sad... i cried by the phone.. trying not to let ya noe.. but i think u found out le... sorry tt i make ya sad... i can't hold back my tears... but last nite when i send ya to the mrt station.. i know tt u don wan to go back camp as u hold my hard so tight, didn't wan to let go.. i was so sad to see tears rolling down ur face.. bao bei... pls don give up hope now... life is full of up and down... u got to bear wif it for this 2 yr... aft this everything will be smooth for us le.. u concentrate on ur training i concentrate on my studies.. and get good result.. i wan to make ya feel proud to hav a lao po like mi.. i wan to be a good lao po to ya... take care of ya... time will pass veri fast de... even though the time we spent together is veri short... but i treasure the time i had wif ya veri much.. even though we can stay be each other's side for long.. but i wan to tell ya tt u are always in my mind and always be in my heart forever.. lao gong i love u veri much and miss u alot.... muackz....

the feeling is back again.. why?

2005-07-11T19:59:00.000-07:00

why is it back? why am i feeling it again?today i felt veri insecure.. since today morning when he told mi to have a nice day, tt feeling came back.. wonder whether is tt he don wan to disturb mi or he is busy smsing other gals or wat... xiao mei ask mi this b4 whether will i worry whether he outside got other gals. i told her no i not cas i noe he wont.. but today i started to think abt it the whole day.. doing practical cut the sample almost cut my finger when thinking abt it whole day did not hav any news abt him.. he never sms mi and got to wait till i sms him then he reply.. not like last time like tt.. even if i did not sms him he will still sms mi.. not like now.. told him tt my hp low batt so never reply him.. noe tt he failed his driving test the 4th time le.. everytime i wish him good luck he will fail.. but if i never wish him good luck he pass his test.. i wonder am i a unlucky person, bring him bad luck.. he promise to sms mi when he reach home.. but he didn't till i sms him.. making empty promises again.. how am i going to trust him ever again? jus told him to sms mi when he is free cas i wan to talk to him abt this problem till now he haven reply.. don think tt he is going to reply to.. think tt now he is busy toking to other gals le ba.. cas never see him online. i always tell myself tt i think too much le... but i don think so... crying inside mi..

XIAO MEI!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YA!! MUACKZ!! LOVE YA!!

2005-07-05T20:28:00.000-07:00

wa... aft 3 days of holiday... don feel like going back to sch.. hehe.. but no choice cas today i got 'O' level chinese oral!!! OH MY GOD!! it was scary and i was so nervous tt i hav stomach pain.. haha.. went back to np room b4 i went for oral.. so touched tt my sec3 NCO, piggy chua wish mi good luck wor.. haha.. when i sept in to np room i felt tt i am back home like tt.. happy to see the sec 3 NCOs cleaning up the np room.. this shows tt they treat it as their second home le like wat we the 10th batch of NCOs did.. haha.. i missed np.. i wan to go back np... my dar dar today fail his driving test also.. haiz~ dar dar try hard nex time lor... mi today oral i think i tok till out of point.. not hoping to get high grade for this.. sob.. suddenly i felt so useless went i am on my way home.. tok to dar till he get quite angry like tt.. haiz.. keep it to myself again.. its better to tell my cows... sob... so tired... okok.. up date my bolg twice le today.. haha.. now going to write a testi for the stupid idito joseph ang wei loon.. haha...

haiz~ dunno wat to say...

2005-07-05T20:15:00.000-07:00

wa... veri long time never up date my blog le.. well this few days, mamy thing happened but i wan to tell the whole world tt...." I HAVE PASSED OUT LE!!!" haha.. i hav mix feeling on 1 july. it is sjab day and i was shiock to see the sec 1 sjab's cadet fainted while the p was reading the msg to the sch from(dunno who lah) for youth day.. follow by a youth day celebration.. then normal sch day.. then so excited cas after tt i going to hav my passing out parade le.. it is kind of funny as tt was the first time i can so relax, walking up and down, wearing full u, doing nothing.. hehe.. during the slide show i almost cried, but i didn't cas i promise myself and dar dar not to cry on tt day. veri sweet of my sec 3 wor.. they give each NCO a nick name, and they name mi "MR PING PONG BALL" . dunno they name mi tt cas of the song i teach them or cas of my size? and now almost every uniform group noe tt i am the one who teach the song.. haha.. dunno mus feel happy or angry.. haha...well never mind i don mind pple who tok abt my size.. haha i really missed my np life... those time spent wif ah huat, francis, peng fong, qin han, pei ying, puay yek, wee teck and wei jie. wa the more i say the more i wan to cry le.. haha.. btw today is xiao mei's birthday.. did not buy present for her(sorry xiao mei, er jie not enough $$$ to buy) but i brought her to east coast to celebrate her birthday wif wee sing, wei jian and ah jo(my cousin). we hav a fun but tiring day on 4th july. went cycling ( veri long ar.. cas wee sing told us the wrong direction) after tt we went fishing.. my first time fishing but the fish swam off.. sob.. we caught alot of fish and a eel!!! haha.. took pics of it too.. haha then wei jian got flu cas he has been under the sun for too long le. but when he cycle back to mac wif ah jo. he recover le.. funny rite.. haha..
all of us got sun burn especially wei jian.. from a white chicken to a roasted chicken. haha my face feeling so warm causing mi hard to sleep.. xiao mei wan to tell ya tt i love u alot.. u are always my bao bei xiao mei.. anything can find mi ok? er jie here will help u one.. muackz..

wat a long way it is

2005-06-14T13:38:00.000-07:00

haha.. finally back.. well it has been a long time since i last update my block.. aft exam we sec 4 have been studying every single day.. no more time to lose le.. so got to buck up for the nex coming exam.. our sch having this stupid system call the "star programe" where all sec 4 got to go back to sch from 2 weeks for lesson.. morning 8.30am till afternoon 12pm.. it is jus like normal sch time like tt.. but the worst is tt all art student got to stay back aft 12pm for art till 5pm.. tt veri long.. and this really can kill the art student from 4e2 as we having bio lesson straight aft 12pm till 1pm everyday aft bio lesson we got to rush to room for art.. its veri tiring i can same.. but no choice got to finish our course work on time.. if not got to go see P le.. tt scary.. haha.. seeing lili so busy and stress up wif her campfire thingy as this is their first time holding it in our sch.. they ask npcc for help so we agree to it and help sjab wif the campfire structure and the stage.. veri tired i can say cas we started work at 11 am and finish all by 5 plus to 6pm.. still tot tt we cannot make it in time.. haha.. in the end still got plenty of time to spent.. we carried heavy stuff like long poles, canteen table, fire woods and many more.. now then i noe tt preparing a campfire is not easy as we tot.. the thickness of the fire wood and the lay of sand use and the position of the fire woods affects the whole structure... and soon the camp fire began.. haha.. we npcc like carzy like tt.. pple haven start the campfire yet we start singing songs played by the ava le.. keeping ourseleves busy.. we were so high last nite till the end of the campfire we still singing song.. haha.. aft all tt singing running and shoutting.. we finally cannot take it anymore.. mi xiao mei and slow took a taxi home and by the time we reach home was abt 11.30pm le.. wa.. so late rite.. haha.. bath le then went to bed and sleep.. left side shoulder blade veri pain and swollen.. haha.. even though it is veri painful but worth it.. seeing the 2005 BPS SJAB ANNUAL CAMPFIRE so successful.. it really worth it... then sleep till this morning 10.30am then wake up.. like pig rite? sleep 10 1/2 hr haha... wake up oni the whole body aching like it does not belong to mi like tt.. haha.. sorry ar dar dar.. yesterday really veri busy till no time sms u.. and cannot let u come in to our sch cas is not i in charge one.. sorry.. now bring xaio mei go mac and makan.. she say she wan eat mac.. -_-"

a scary day of my life

2005-05-26T11:46:00.000-07:00

haiz... today will be the day i going to die.. meet parnets session.. i am so scare of it cas i did not did well in the SA1.. tt Abraham is going to say alot of bad things abt mi to my dad le.. can't stand her.. but no choice... who ask her to be my form teacher.. unlucky sia... haiz... this few day had a quarrel wif da lao po.. mi and her de relationship is getting colder and colder.. dunno wat to do now... hack care lah... chinese O level is coming le.. nex mon is the big day... sitll haven complete going through.. die le lah.. haiz... this sat is our second month baby.. looking forward to it.. hehe... sorry dar dar.. i cannot spent alot of time wif u.. u got to take good care of urself when u in camp hor... ok? love you so much... muackz...

i really going to miss area 4..SOB...

2005-05-21T19:27:00.000-07:00

Sob sob... on the friday, 19/5/05 was my last parade.. feel like crying on tt day but got to be strong never even cry in front of my cadets.. really going to miss them alot.. thinking back.. 4 yrs ago.. mi and my batch of squadmate were private rank... now most pass out as staff sgt or SI... hehe.. wif alot of badges... thinking of those fun time we hav... jokes we share in npcc room... think of tt really make mi cry... i love BPS AREA 4!!! BPS AREA 4 u rockz man!!! this song "HERO" is brought to u by mi... To the 10th batch of NCOs including all our new and old bird CIs..

HERO

- m. carey - w. afanasieff -
Hmm
There’s a hero
If you look inside your heart
You don’t have to be afraidOf what you are
There’s an answerIf you reach into your soul
And the sorrow that you know
Will melt away
And then a hero comes along
With the strength to carry on
And you cast your fears aside
And you know you can survive
So when you feel like hope is gone
Look inside you and be strong
And you’ll finally see the truth
That a hero lies in you

It’s a long road
When you face the world alone
No one reaches out a hand
For you to hold
You can find love
If you search within yourself
And the emptiness you felt
Will disappear
And then a hero comes along
With the strength to carry on
And you cast your fears aside
And you know you can survive
So when you feel like hope is gone
Look inside you and be strong
And you’ll finally see the truth
That a hero lies in you
Oh oooh
Lord knows
Dreams are hard to follow
But don’t let anyone
Tear them away,
hey yeah
Hold on
There will be tomorrow
In time
You’ll find the way
And then a hero comes along
With the strength to carry on
And you cast your fears aside
And you know you can survive
So when you feel like hope is gone
Look inside you and be strong
And you’ll finally see the truth
That a hero lies in you
That a hero lies in you
Mhhh
That a hero lies inYou

haiz~why am i feeling this way...

2005-05-11T22:30:00.000-07:00

after reading wat they say abt u... i hav this feeling... dunnot whether is i think too much or it is true... i want to hav a talk wif u... but i jus don dare to tell ya.. scare tt it might be true... too afraid to face it.. feeling confuse and sad.. no one to approach... no one to talk to but oni to the few cows i hav wif mi.. sob... i wonder whether will i still hav the strenght to carry on in this? will i still be able to hold u and myself at the same time? is wat i read and all my thoughts are true? i wonder..... sob..

feeling so sick and tired...

2005-04-24T19:41:00.000-07:00

feeling so sick and tired today.. wake up late in the morning as i have over slept.. because last nite sleep too late.. reach home late and went to bath at around 12am.. went staright in to the room when the air con is on... while waiting for my hair to dry.. i watch a chinese movie.. quite interesting.. but veri violent.. killing many people... after watching it.. very bloody and scary... today went to tuition late... reach there about 9.15am... when there do alot of work.. finish my POA homework and practice my math.. ask all the question i don't understand wif tuition teacher as i will be having a math mock exam tomorrow afternoon at 2pm to 4pm... Haiz~ it will be another tiring day for me again...back to today again.. went wei jian's house to study today wif merah, xiao mei and eugene kor.. while merah and xiao mei were playing wif wei jian in the room... i am doing my math wif eugene kor in the living room... they were veri noise... cannot stand them... haiz~ why must u now then tell mi tt u wan to meet mi today... u noe how much i miss u even though i met u yesterday... btw.. yesterday nite was a wonderful nite i had.. but due to some reason it end up to be sad.. sorry dear last nite xiao mei like tt say u in front of them.. sorry... i love u dear... muackz...

2005-04-22T22:04:00.000-07:00

Wa so long never up date this le.. well today was quite boring.. no math lesson and chinese compo writing last lesson le... quite sad to see my teacher leaving us.. I cried as I write the last compo for her.. she is really a wonderful teacher.. After the last lesson, mi and da lao po went swimming at toa payoh.. we swim and swim.. we have a gal heart to heart tok... i was so looking forward to something went something turn out to be different... so sad when you talk to mi in that tone... I know that you are angry with your sir or wat for keeping you back... But you have to use that tone to talk to mi... So sad.. Went to look for my kor... told him what had happened.. cried and fall a sleep in his car.. after that when i wake up... found out tt i reach home le.. I drag my feet as i walk to the lift.... sob.........

it was so heart breaking when i came to know abt this

2005-04-12T22:20:00.000-07:00

every time was fine last nite, chatting wif ya by sms make mi happy... but when it comes to chatting wif u on the phone... it was fine at first but till u tell mi tt u are going for an interview to go overseas..thinking tt few days never meet i already cannot take it le... wat if ur interview is successful... i will not be able to see u... this thought came to my mind.. as i think i cried.. at tt point of time, my heart was broken it to pieces again... u ask mi whether i cried anot i told u tt i did not cried cas i don wan to make u worry.. tt why i told u tt i did not cried.. u believed it till i accidently send u a sms which is supporse to send to my kor one... hiaz... when u say those words to mi.. i cried again in class... i am so sad.. i wan u to stay by my side but i am jus don hav the courage to tell u tt i don wan u to go.. but i noe tt this is veri importance to u.. i cannot do anything but to keep quiet and seeing u walking away further and further as time goes by....sob....

wat a wonderful day i hav wif u.. so happy tt u are by my side..

2005-04-11T05:53:00.000-07:00

It was a wonderful saturday... in the moring i went to see the doctor about my skin.. before i go and see the doctor... i was thinking how good it will be when u are by my side when i see the doctor... together waiting to see the doctor, collect the medicine together... but in the end.. it was oni a dream as he did not manage to wake up... i call he for 2 hr.. till i veri fed up wif him.. then he call back saying tt he will still accompany us to sentosa... so happy to hear tt as i thought tt he might not wan to come along le.. well... we hav a fun day at sentosa... we were in the sea the whole day..hehe... so fun.. jus love the water so much.. after a day of fun.. we had our dinner at mac... before we start to eat... we hav a water competition... haha we choose the drinks we wan.. i took ice lemon tea same gose to my xiao mei's god di.. merah choose green tea... we start to drink.. merah was the first to finish it while i may able to drink 3/4 of the 1.5l of ice lemon tea.. dar help mi to finish the rest.. so touch.. hehe.. after tt merah vomit wat she had eaten jus now... i see her vomit i oso feel like vomiting.. haha.. but we hav alot of fun on saturday... dar dar.. thanks for being there on tt day... love ya... muackz...

what a sickening day i had today

2005-04-04T20:55:00.000-07:00

Early in the morining, it began to rain.. Haiz~ this make it hard for mi to travel to school.. Don feel like getting up from bed, it was so cooling, feel like sleeping somemore... but too bad got to get up le if not going to be late le.. so it took my new bag and off i go... everythings turned out to be the same as every monday.. lesson lesson lesson.... finally school ends at 1.30pm... haha... so happy... had my lunch in sch then went home wif lili and mama... aft tt went to lili's house to study... then went amk center to buy rotiboy for xiao mei... cas meeting her later... tot tt she might be hungry aft her extra training.. we agreed to meet at the mac.. lili and i waited there for one and a half hour... but she did not turn up... called her hp several time she never on it... send her several sms but she never reply a single one... so fed up.. when she turned up.. we had an agurement outside the mac... i was so angry wif her.. she make mi wait for her for so long and yet she gave mi the face which tells mi like i am the one in fault.. she jus walk away like tt... i was very angry so i jus went home straight... then when i reached home.. i had another agurement wif my mum.. she blame mi for leaving my xiao mei at amk center alone and came back home... i am so fed up.. but i promise my dad tt i will not argue back wif her.. till she link this stupid thingy wif my working period... i cannot stand it any more... i tok back to her.... the agurement was horrible... almost got it to a fight wif her... haiz~ tml still got chinese test... and this kind of stupid thing happened.. spoiled my mood le.. so sickening...

i felt heart broken when i read it

2005-04-02T23:11:00.000-08:00

haiz~ aft reading his blog.. then i realise tt i am treating him not good enough.. not like his ex.. treat him so good so sweet to him.. aft reading all tt stuff he wrote in his blog.. i cried in front of the com.. lucky there is no one at home... chatting wif him in irc while typing this... he don noe tt i cried cas reading it... i think he really love his ex... or may be not... hope tt i am thinking too much le.. hope tt i can treat him better than his ex.. cas i really don like the feeling.. i was so sad yesterday when he to mi tt he is going off first cas he got sore eyes... i felt veri sorry oso cas i make him waited for mi so long a juction 8.. i can't walk away as my debrife haven finish... and we settling so agruement wif my squadmate... last nite feeling was horrible.. don really like the feelings i hav last nite.. haiz~

one of my favoure song "love me"..

2005-04-02T13:00:00.000-08:00

I read a note my grand ma wrote, back in 1923
grand pa kept it in his coat, and show it once to me.
He said '' boy u might not understand, but a long long time ago.
Grand ma's daddy didn't like me not,but i love your grand ma so...'

'We had this crazy plan to meet, and run away together,
get married in the first time we came to and live forever.
but mail to the tree where we were suppose to meet instead.
I found this letter and this is what it says...'

"If you get there before i do.. Don't give up on me,
I meet you when my chorse are through...
I don't know how long I'll be,
but I not gotta let you down, Darling wait and see...
And between now and then , till I see you again...
I'll be loving you... love me.."

I read those words hours ago, my grand ma passed away..
In the northway of a church where me and grand pa start to pray.
I know i never seen him cry, all my 15 years.
But as he said this words to her, his eyes filled up with tears..

"If you get there before I do.. Don't give up on me..
I meet you when my chorse are through..
I don't know how long I'll be,
but I not gotta let you down, Darling wait and see...
And between now and then till I see you again..
I 'll be loving you... love me..."

2005-04-01T20:20:00.000-08:00

Well... finally it had come till an end... the largest thing which keeps on troubling mi has got off my mind le... Today we have our usual debrief for parade at our old place.. at there we settle all our misunderstanding we had on wednesday... mi and eng huat had a agruement abt the sec 2 extra training session.. i was so angry and fed up wif him.. I have been thinking whethere should i give up NPCC... If i give it up now... it will be waste of my time.. i will not be able to get the cca points i wan.. so now we have settle everything and have voice out wat we are not happy wif each other... i felt so happy and relax... haiz~ kind of tired le..Have been running up and down through out the whole parade... haven been getting enough of sleep this few days... eye hardly can open plus still haven recover from cough and flu... haiz~

wat a tiring day today

2005-03-26T01:27:00.000-08:00

haiz~ wat a boring day today. woke up at abt 9am, plainning to watch power puff girl tt cartoon but my stupid da jie don allow mi to watch cas she wan to her show.. sob.. I am feeling a bit moody today as things don turn out to be like wat i expect it to be, i expect today will be a sunny day but it turn out to be a rainy day... went to the swing aft my meeting be as i reached there it began to rain... got caught in the rain, feeling so cold and lonely.. wat a boring day it is today... haiz~

why must it turn out to be like this

2005-03-25T07:46:00.000-08:00

Haiz…. I have been thinking about this matter for some time since that day she left you. You came and looked for me as if you were feeling bored or had no one to keep you company. At that time, I felt happy being with you but I was also feeling sad that I was being treated like a spare tyre to replace her absence. I realized that you were very sad and angry with her because you kept saying that you wanted a break up. However, I knew that you didn’t mean it. Those days were happy when you came to look for me although I couldn’t say much to console you. All I could do was to advise you to forgive her and these were not the words that I wanted to say. But nevertheless I still brought myself forward to say the words that were pleasant to your ears. The argument, which took place a few days ago, had broken my heart and left me crying for days. All that I could do now is to keep myself occupied so as not to think about the sad incident. I have stressed myself in so many things, causing me to feel very tired and ill now. This results in having chest pain when I cough. Haiz…Perhaps it is time for me to leave this world, but I can’t. I still have many things, which I have yet to do, many things, which I want to accomplish in life. Arhhhhh…. why is God being so unfair to me? Why am I being treated like this? Have I done something wrong in my previous life and made me repay in this life? I really wish not…